Here’s a very brave woman making a point about the sickness in our society around accepting violence. She chose to stand naked to make the point that we shame nudity, not porn, or violence, and the most popular porn is violent toward women. Thank goodness for those of us who are brave enough to speak out about what we want to see changed. This woman took it to a whole new level in order to bring the point home in her own bold way! Watch her video and let me know what you think: https://vimeo.com/213723715?outro=1&ref=fb-share
In loving memory and honor of Psalm Isadora’s life, which came to a tragic end two weeks ago, I carry forth her message, her courage and feminine beauty here today!
I’ve been thinking lately about my deep, inexorable love for the French. I have not known one person from France well. I have never been to the land. I don’t even speak French (save for a few fun phrases). Something in that tone, though, of ecstasy and sultry delight, that fire tempered with softness, intensity balanced by the lightness of ‘c’est la vie’. I’m just plain smitten, really.
Here’s the essence of my love: Integration. Everything wonderful about being human seems to be integrated in the French way of life. Sensuality, Love, Romance, Passion, Artistry, Sexuality and Spirit (esprit). When I contemplate the French, and all the juiciness that emanates from their language, art and culture, I see connectedness.
A French love affair is never just romance without deep passion and spirit. Sexuality as well encompasses sensuality, artistry and spirit. They are whole-hearted, whole-bodied, whole-souled in their love. This aliveness of body/heart/soul also seems integrated into the various aspects of civil life: sensuality in their food and eating, romance in their language and music, artistry in their architecture, passion in their defense of civil and human rights for their nation. From my outside perspective, it seems to me that juiciness of living is Everywhere for the French.
As an American Sexuality Educator, I have, how can we say… concerns. I see disconnect in too many places. Our ‘film industry’ for example often portrays sexuality completely devoid of romance, of artistry or spirit. In the panic of that disconnect, there is often an even subconscious experience of violence. Disconnect does in fact breed violence. Yet… breathe deep. Integration.
As a woman, and lover of men, I also have, how can we say… a heavy heart. What it means for a man in France to be deeply connected to his sensuality, his romantic urges, spirit and passions… It seems to me, a quintessential man. Poetic, deeply alive and vibrantly male. For a man in America to live fully in touch with his sensuality, romantic urges, spirit and passions… [beware – cultural stereotyping ahead!] Possibly gay? Effeminate? Or any other of our demasculating terms.
How is this? Comment est-ce?
I know, idealizing another people while putting down my own culture is only a dead-end. May I then turn it into a prayer? An evocation? I want it to be safe for all of us humans to incorporate our hearts, minds, souls, bodies into all we do. With healthy boundaries, even more easily, because we understand it is truly within us.
We in America then have – an opportunity. This evocation underlies so much of my work with young people, older people, parents, educators and anyone else. May we integrate. May sexuality naturally be woven into the fabric of who we are. May it touch our hearts, our souls, our spirits as well as our bodies. May a juiciness and sensuality infuse the various aspects of our lives: our work, our recreation, our endeavors and creative pursuits.
I believe, if sexuality were so intertwined with our minds, hearts, homes, neighborhoods, wild lands, cities and beyond… we could come home. Back home to balance from the extremes of suppression and exploitation. From one swing of ‘it is not’ – to the other of ‘it is’ (to a distorted extent) – and then calmly, smoothly to center. Home to integration. I don’t suggest this would be easy, clean or all under control. Being fully alive in our senses requires tenacity, courage and fortitude. Liveliness thrives on clarity when all seems as a sea of so much raw contact with Life. But then, watch a French movie and see. Is this not the imperfect but vibrant, lively and mysterious essence of being human?
Quel fantastique la vie.
There’s a new breed of women out there. They are empowered. I am one of those women and I understand what it means for me. Life is a full body experience. I have new questions and ideas that thankfully I can share with my other empowered female friends. There’s a whole world of endless possibilities. We as women are the ones creating it this new world. I understand that when one of us can see it, then others can too.
I think its interesting that prior to this we had been asleep to much of our power. We projected it out onto others, gave it to men and authority figures in our lives in order to remain small. We let other people make our decisions and to tell us who we were. It’s taken years of self reflection and lots of inner work to see this is unending process of change, growth and expansion in becoming. Not just women but all of us our becoming new humans. Some of us are far more aware than others as to what that means. A glimpse into my life would have you hearing people suggest I record the conversations I have with others because they are so interesting…perhaps daring and oh so real!
Some of my thought provoking questions in these conversations include the female anatomy. One in particular is; “why isn’t it talked about that only women have a body part that is built only for pleasure and nothing else?” Don’t you think that if men had a body part that was only made to enjoy and receive pleasure that every young girl would be taught how important that is to know and to be aware of how to please it? The penis held that status and we all did learn how important it was to please. But the penis wasn’t build only for pleasure, men urinate from it as well.
I think it’s a crime that it’s not publicized and honored that female clitoris was only made for pleasure. The reason I think that information is so important is because women’s pleasure was stolen from her and its time she now receives. I also find its important to publicize this organ because of the fact that it isn’t necessary for a woman to have an organism in order to make a child. She doesn’t have to cum in order for her egg to be fertilized. Which would mean that many women who have come before my time could have passed through life having given birth and gone on to her grave without ever having experienced an orgasm. Isn’t that sad?
Why were we designed with one body part that was only built for pleasure? I would think that signified the importance of women receiving pleasure. And that it would be an important area to know and to learn about. Why not educate both women and men about learning how this pleasure principle liked to be touched, licked or played with? I would imagine the whole world would be a whole lot happier if this kind of education were not controlled by religion and government. For God sakes it’s our God given body part. We didn’t go out and order this part. It was installed and manufactured by God without our choosing. Why did the women before us denying it? Hide it? Shame it away to a place called “down there?” Religion.
Did it take a new President to release the Pussy? I think its time we as women grab our own pussy’s and teach men how we like to be touched, tasted and pleased….slowly. Maybe we like something different every time. Maybe its not something you figure out and memorize? It’s time we talk more about this. Until we do, most men will keep on thinking they know what we like, as if we are all the same or that we always like it the same way. It’s not true men.
There’s no way a man can give a blanketed statement that he’s sooooo good at sex and believe that makes it so. Also not true. Let the woman your with decide that but first realize that each woman is different in the ways she enjoys being touched, loved and pleasured. She may be too shy to tell you so you do what you already know and you think its good because the last woman liked it. It may take the man asking and being patient to learn in order to know what your woman likes. She certainly didn’t have a lineage of empowered women leading her to between her legs but since you happen to be the one that’s there, consider how much you could help her learn more about her own pleasure by considering she might be learning what pleases her for the first time because YOU TOOK THE TIME.
The other day, I was talking to a man who is 2 years out of a 20 year marriage. The last several years of his marriage he said they didn’t have sex. He also hasn’t been with anyone sexually in the last two years plus since his divorce. When I asked him about going so long without sex, he quickly replied he has no concerns in that department because he knows he’s good at it. He boasted a confidence about it in a way that I felt almost sick to my stomach. He’s out of touch with his body, his own sexuality and with pleasing women. Remaining virginal for years doesn’t make someone good at sex. He might be confident in his mind around sex and believing he pleased his wife early on but that’s not proof. His wife could have faked it. Sadly this man had absolutely no sexual energy coming off of him, even while he spoke about sex. A man feels completely different to a woman when he embodies his sexuality. There’s energy that comes off his body below his waist. His sexuality doesn’t stop in his mind but it extends to below his neck. There’s even a heart energy that is tied to it that has his whole body speaking to a woman from more than just his mind. We as women feel and sense energy. A man who is sexual and comfortable with his sexuality becomes more attractive when he understands that every woman is different and that getting to know her body is important and takes time.
Being good at sex isn’t just about the man. I understand we, as empowered women, are a new breed AND I’m trusting that there are plenty of men out there, who are able and willing to learn and grow with us, not only sexually but emotionally and spiritually as well. We need you MEN; to honor and support our growth and we will do the same for you!
I met Jaiya many years ago. She refers to herself as a Sex Expert. I read her recent email and
wanted to share it with you. Her tips are below:
Okay guys, one of the biggest complaints I get from women is that foreplay gets skipped. Ladies, am I right? I love men. I love helping them to become better lovers. So let me help you get started on giving the best foreplay ever!
Tip #1- Know Her Blueprint Type™
So I’ll admit, not every woman wants lots of foreplay. As a matter fact, it annoys some of them.
Some men need foreplay. My partner is one of them.
Does that surprise you?
A person’s gender is not a good divining rod for knowing what turns them on.
So, your first step in any sexual encounter is to find out what her Erotic Blueprint Type™ is.
What is that, you ask?
Well, there are 5 Erotic Blueprint Types™:
The Energetic: Loves anticipation, space and tease. They will need foreplay techniques like eye gazing, breathing together, light touch and hovering touch. The space between you can be an incredible turn on.
The Sensual: Loves all the senses being stimulated, full body sensation and tons of foreplay. They will need to luxuriate. Foreplay could be the main event and last for hours. Try music, great smells, feeding each other, massage, hot baths, candles, slow dancing and more.
The Sexual: Loves sex, penetration and nudity. With a sexual too much foreplay could actually turn them off. You want to get to the point with genital touch a bit faster than you might with other Blueprint Types.
The Kinky: Loves to play with the taboo. You’ll need to know if your Kinky partner is turned on more by the psychology of the play, the sensation of the play or both. Try handcuffs, spanking, power games, Bonadassage or role-play. Always play safe and learn proper technique before diving in.
The Shapeshifter: Loves all of the above. You’ll need to check in with them about what kind of mood they are in. They may want it all.
To find out more about these Blueprint Types you’ll want to take our Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Quiz and watch our upcoming video series on the Erotic Blueprint Types™.
Tip #2 – Keep Yourself Turned On
Most likely you will not have the same Blueprint Type™ as the person you are arousing, so you may find yourself either wanting to move forward too quickly, too slowly, or getting distracted. This is “the worst” thing you can do for keeping your lover engaged.
To keep yourself focused keep tuning in to what turns you on, while at the same time feeding their Blueprint.
I also see guys who get anxiety around performance and they focus too much on her pleasure and loose all of their own.
The trick is to weave in and out of your own pleasure and their pleasure. Bonus points if you can find pleasure in feeding their Blueprint.
Tip #3 – Hygiene is Part of Foreplay
I have to be honest here. I’ve worked with thousands of men and hundreds of couples. One of the things that women tell me over and over and over again is that the reason why they don’t want to have sex is because their partner either has bad breath, bad body odors, or they don’t clean “down below”. Yeesh!
I’m not telling you that you have to spray yourself with air fresheners or cologne (as a matter of fact, don’t do that, they’re hormone disruptors). What I am telling you is to take some time to freshen up. Make sure your bum, breath, and balls are yummy! Trim your nails, trim your facial hair, and put on some essential oils like frankincense or ylang ylang. Find smells she likes and you can anchor that smell to pleasure and orgasm!
For a sensual blueprint this piece is a must! A bad smell will turn them off faster than thinking of grandma.
These tips, especially understanding the Blueprint Types™ will give you a great foundation to creating amazing foreplay and seduction. So be sure to look out for our quiz coming very, very soon.
Fill your life with pleasure,
p.s. Another secret is also knowing yourself, and telling people your needs and desires and your strengths and weaknesses. This takes some vulnerability and authenticity, but let me tell you, honesty is one of my biggest aphrodisiacs!
If you have ever had an experience with a partner where you felt the presence of God, you have tapped into the threshold of where Tantra takes you every time. Sex without God is like a day without sunshine. Tantra creates a sacred and spiritual act by slowing down the process and making sex mindful. Mindful sex keeps you focused on each sacred moment.
Too often sex is a rush of heated sexual tension and over within minutes. Tantra slows down everything from your breathing to touch. Tantra takes you out of your mind (in so many ways) and into your body so that you feel each touch like a blaze of heat and ecstasy. (As I had a partner describe to me.)
Tantra is liberating, rather than bonding two people together. In Tantra, it is not the other you are relating to, but the highest aspect of yourself. Connecting to the highest aspect of yourself causes a very fast and enjoyable expansion of consciousness that is stronger and faster than alone. You attain a state that is not dependent on the other.
You become fully present with your divinity filled with gratitude for those you experience this expanded experience.
Beginning with massage, slow touch allows you to connect deeply with your body and get out of your mind. When you are present fully, connected rather than in your head Tantric sex becomes a sacred spiritual act.
Sex without Tantra feels like a ride at an amusement park. It is over before you begin to enjoy it and you feel the price was far too high.
Tantra focuses on each moment, rather than being in a hurry to rush to the finish line. Orgasm happens but usually many times, rather just than once. Orgasm with Tantra rolls like wave after wave through your entire body, rather than an experience only felt in your genitals.
Today Millenials have come up with a name for what Tantra has used for centuries. Edging brings you to the brink of orgasm and then allows the energy to subside over and over again so that pleasure is experienced for hours rather than moments.
Sex With Heart
Tantric sex is beautiful as it brings your sexual energy into your heart and expands it outward all over your body. Imagine feeling an orgasm throughout your entire body undulating for minutes rather than seconds.
If you don’t respect your partner, you will not be able to engage in the depth of the Tantric experience. Respect is needed to create a sacred act with the presence of God.
Women and men both have a G-spot. For women, it is located on the upper wall of the vagina approximately an inch and a half inside the opening. Men also have a G-spot, just inside the rectum. G-spot massage for both sexes enhances the sexual experience and deepens orgasms to be more profound and powerful. For those who still wonder if the G-spot in a woman is fact or fiction, click here.
Orgasm For Life: Sting and Tantra
Study Tantra and See For Yourself
Some of the comments I have received on my blog are that what I say is too good to be true. If you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it.
Take a Tantric weekend course and see for yourself. There are many excellent Tantra teachers in the world, I studied with Charles Muir, but there are many excellent Tantra teachers out in the world.
There are many types of Tantra. Red, white, black are different from one another. If you are interested in the different types I have written a much-read article here. Tantra: White, Red, Black What The Heck?
Semen Retention Benefits
Semen retention is the withholding of ejaculation. You can still experience orgasms, yes and many times in one encounter. Sex can continue for hours while you maintain your energy and stamina. Your erection may wane for a short while after an orgasm but very quickly you will be able to be back in the swing with a strong, hard erection. There are many benefits to semen retention.
You will find when you begin to retain your semen and ejaculate only when you choose to that you have increased energy, look and feel younger and don’t take so long to be ready for the next wondrous round of sex!
Passionate sex requires a change of attitude. Passion doesn’t mean that you come within two minutes of beginning a love-making session. Passion requires patience and a giving heart. Slow down, get out of your head and feel each feeling fully. Connect eye-to-eye and take the time to kiss your partner slowly without being in a rush. Experiencing pleasure slowly, changing position, speed, pressure from light and gentle to deep and firm can add a higher consciousness to your sex life and relationship.
Everyone can shift their sex life up a notch to enjoy passionate, hot sexual experiences that you talk about for years to come!
Let me know how this works for you. Comment below, or join me on FaceBook for a conversation!
Set up your private session with me to find your joy and happiness within. I help men and women find lasting happiness.
“Yesterday, Mass General hospital announced that it performed the first penis transplant in the US. It’s being called a “surgical milestone” that took 15 hours and a team of over 50 people to perform. The surgery involved putting a deceased donor’s penis onto a 64-year-old man who’d had his removed due to a rare cancer. Doctors are hoping this advancement could help wounded veterans, cancer patients, and could eventually be used for gender reassignment surgery. Winning, er, weening.” Daily Skimm 5/17/2016
Here’s the New York Times article about this question in todays news on Friday May 6, 2015:
What are my thoughts about this? I do want to know yours too and for now I’ll share mine. I think the United States has major issues around sex. I think religion has had it’s controls in place on women, at least in the faith I was raised in that taught me the Virgin Mary was the woman to live up to. The control began with that teaching and the fact that mum’s the word was basically the situation around sex when I was young. No one talked about. There was no education on getting to know my body and there was certainty no direction or teaching about my feminine form in how it related to sex and pleasure.
Now that I am no longer under the control of other people’s thought, I’ve come to discover that women have an unclaimed and unhonored gift and it does revolve around their sexuality and their bodies. Call me naive but I didn’t catch onto that even while men made sexual advancements to me. That’s because women are not told that they have this power of sexuality and therefore many don’t use it. In fact, our government decided it was illegal if a woman used their gift of arousing men as a profession and yet it’s a gift a women possesses. Why would it be a problem if she got paid for bringing pleasure to a man? Or vice versa?
Why do we make it BAD? We all arrived here through an act of sex and yet its illegal unless under specified conditions of societal standards? Really? Why do we shame our sexuality? And why do we repress a sacred gift women possess if they want to earn money from it?
I was having a conversation on a flight from Madrid to London last week with a man from Spain. We talked about the inequality of women in some countries before he segued into being a father of 16 and 18 year old sons. He’d already gathered how open and real I am about my experience and how I believe many realities and truths can simultaneously exist. It’s not one way, its the way we say is so for us. With that said, the conversation segueing from the inequality of women, to his sons in Spain and the influence he has on them and how they treat young women was where things went. I asked him if he had conversations around sex with them. He laughed and said no. I asked why? That’s an age where boys are becoming young men. That area of their bodies are very much awake and curious. Isn’t our responsibility as adults who have life experience under our belts to educate and share our knowledge with our kids? If we don’t, we repeat the same ignorance that came before.
I can only speak from a female perspective and how in my experience boys weren’t asking questions, they had one goal in mind and they went for it. I know adult women who can’t ask for what they want and even being open and real, it’s not always easy to guide a passionate man when in bed together as it takes overcoming insecurities and inhibitions to say what I want. I do believe men are more than willing to please but its not always easy to guide a man who truly does need guidance unless he’s had lots of experience with many different women and has learned something.
My own personal experience prompted me to ask him if he would be able to explain to his sons about pleasing women and what he’s learned, so that they understood there is also a timidity in women that may keep them from asking for the things that pleasure them, and being okay with walking away with just the man being pleased. Women have been taught to satisfy a man and to put his needs before hers. Today women are more aware of their own needs but doesn’t always mean that its easy to ask for them in bed. It sure would be helpful if men who have teenage sons take the time to inform them of their experience so that the new young men growing up can have the compassion and understanding to know more about the sexual experience for the women.
Women talk much more openly to one another than men do in my experience. I am curious if men would like to know more of what it is that women crave, appreciate and desire? I saw this man on the plane laugh and agree with me that he could see that being a useful discussion with his boys. I also saw his discomfort and his contemplation wondering if he could do it. If more men would like to be in the conversation with women who would offer some insight outside of the bedroom, then write to me. I’m open to entertaining your questions and being in dialogue around the conversation of sex between men and women. Write to me and we’ll expand on the possibilities in a respectful space of understanding and a willingness to grow. Cheers, Foxy Locks