Today I will be attending my cousins husbands Celebration of Life dinner. I’m very sorry she is having to go through this as they are both in their fifties and were just about to start enjoying his early retirement a few years back. He was mis-diagnosed with early dementia and the debilitating signs made themselves known rather quickly. Shortly before his death he was told that it wasn’t dementia but instead a rare brain disease. The doctors were never certain and none of us thought it would take his life so quickly. His wife and daughters witnessed the loss of his motor skills that led him to suddenly falling when he tried to get up on his own. I saw him last at our Easter brunch in April. He could barely feed himself in slow motion, my great Aunt reaching over constantly to shove more food into his mouth. I remember thinking how awful that must be for him, a former police officer, now having food shoved into his mouth like an infant. Although his motor skills were no longer working I realized he might have been able to know what was going on but not able to speak to us to tell us, underneath his lethargic stature. The thought he was imprisoned within his own skin didn’t set well with me.
My cousin is not an emotional woman used to holding everything together. In fact, it was her home he moved into, along with his daughter, when they got together some fifteen years ago. I feel for her and the three daughters they raised together. He was the man of the house and the only male figure in the family, until now.
Why is life so hard? I personally understand loss as I have faced plenty. My heart goes out to my cousin and her girls. My heart goes out to all of us in this human experience. I truly do stay as optimistic as possible despite my own personal loss and heartache but I can’t deny how challenging this world is and continues to be based on an old and outmoded belief around fear and suffering rooted in separation. How much I wish we would all wake up and be turned on like a light switch in order to see more of who we are. The heart has the ability to love even more than we can imagine no matter how many times its been broken. The mind may not be as strong but the heart is! From that place deep within my heart I send each and everyone reading this post or logging onto this site, the deepest and most sincere blessings of inner peace to you and those you love. May we together bring peace back to this planet by finding it within first and offering it up to all, because we need each other. Today I will witness all of the people showing up to celebrate a man, who is now gone, and how that love will impact my cousin deeply because LOVE is the most powerful force on the planet; a force that never dies.