Like many, I was raised in the “doing” reality. Keep busy, work hard and give all you got! I wasn’t raised to dream, to sit in stillness and be ONE with all of life. That didn’t come BACK to me until later in life. If I think back to when the idea of dreaming in my waking life returned to me, it was a trip to Sedona that comes to mind.
It was December 2004, I was in the midst of unbearable heartache. My happy marriage and love of being a step mother was coming to an end. I had returned to my hometown to live in my rental property with ideas that my marriage was going to transform into a new place and we’d come back to Pittsburgh to live. Little was being said but the distancing that I could feel between me and my husband at the time was undeniable. Taking space was an idea that I believed would give us time to come back together in a new united way again but quite the opposite happened. That fall and winter of 2004-2005 was perhaps one of the most difficult times of my life.
As the year ended in 2004, I found myself alone in a home I had not lived in before, until that time. I was on air mattress with the rest of my belongings two states away in the home I had been living in with my family. It was now two months since seeing them last and all I wanted was to have them close to me again. He was vague and distant and kept insisting he needed more time. What I didn’t know but could sense was the end was coming. What I didn’t realize was a new beginning with myself was on the horizon.
During that time, I woke up one night in my large but empty home and got online. I don’t remember booking a Soul Journey retreat to Sedona, Arizona but in the morning I had a confirmation for a New Years weekend reservation to attend a four day retreat. The first thing I tried to do the next morning was to cancel the reservation. The woman who called me back to address my voice mail message and email request to cancel said to me, “You are meant to come and I won’t accept a cancellation.” WHAT! That made me so angry I wanted to scream! Sara was an older woman known in her town as an established, well-respected medicine woman, many referred to her as a shaman. She could see right through my fears and didn’t waiver from holding me to something my soul was obviously calling for.
Two weeks later I arrived in Sedona for a life changing experience. I had no idea that Sedona was known for its magnified energy. There’s something potent happening on that land and it does bring about change and clarity in ways that you will feel when you go.
That four days for me was filled with experiences that I can’t even begin to describe. What I will say is that Sara helped me to reconnect with nature and with that came an inner wisdom. Spending time in nature brought me into a dream like space within myself. A place where I knew things that my thinking mind had forgotten. I didn’t feel that kind of connection in the religion I was raised in but nature tapped me into a source of knowing like no other.
In my upbringing I got onto the hamster wheel of life and acquired the western dream of success by living by what society described as success. After acquiring that level of perfection with material success and marrying another successful person the dream began to unravel. I came to experience the Western dream falling apart by the seams.
Sedona was one of my trips that helped me to reconnect with something that the Western dream lacks and with something that never leaves us. I came back from that trip feeling revived and connected to something much deep within me. It was exactly what I needed to face a very difficult end of my marriage and the life I had loved.
What life had in store for me was something I could not fully understand at that time and it would take me years to reconnect more deeply with myself to see who I really was. Society had been deceiving me. It wasn’t painting a picture of all that was possible. It was only painting life into a corner and trapping anyone who would stick to the brush. I had bought in, I lived it and had many good years but in the devastating loss came great expanse and realizations I can’t even begin to explain. I now know what I was missing and I no longer buy into societies boxed in world of happiness that doesn’t include the whole of a person. I now take time to dream and feel into my heart and hear what it has to say.
I am writing this today to reawaken the dream in your life, whether its through painting, drawing, writing, time in nature, sleeping in, playing in the ocean or dancing: please remember to go to the place where your dreamworld opens up to you; feel into it…and then bring it to life!